My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
