Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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