I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
