Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
