he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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