my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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