Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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