i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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