i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
