Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
