Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
