I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
