We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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