dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
