I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize