i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
