but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
