your room smells of hookers.
And success
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
