i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
