Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
