Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Everything about him screamed your future.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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