'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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