I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
