so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
