ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
