Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
