i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
