Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
