My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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