Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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