You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
