How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
