I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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