Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
