When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
