I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize