I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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