Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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