Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
