I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
