The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
