I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
