She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
