There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
why do cheetos always look like penises
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
