In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
