What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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