"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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