We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize