Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
