I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
