see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
