1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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