Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
