Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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