i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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