i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
