no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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