I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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