Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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