i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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