Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
