I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
