i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
