he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
