margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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