Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
