id be glad to
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
