People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sorry about my life...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
