were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
