dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize