Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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