Whoa Z and x make the same sound
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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