i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
