Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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