The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
