We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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