The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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