theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
