My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this just has baby written all over it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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