New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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