I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize