I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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