I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize