Porn is love you can see.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
