First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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