ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You ate ashes out of my bong
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
