This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
