how can u be prego again
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
