oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
