I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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