so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
