nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When did angry sex become our thing?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
