in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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