but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think people are normalizing furries
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
