i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You smell like stripper and shame
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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