dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
